Friday, May 05, 2006

Aunt Flo

I'm not sure if I'm going to get my period or not. It's been over a year since I've had one. What I do know is that I have cramps and I've been really moody lately. This is what happened to me when I thought I'd have a random conversation with my Mom today:

Me: "I think I'm going to get my period. I have cramps. Where's the Tylenol?"

Mom: " Leg cramps? YOU BETTER NOT BE PREGNANT AGAIN!"

Me: "Were you even listening to me???" (I gave her a "you're a weenie" look and walked away)

So this is sooo not helping with me being moody. Apparently EVERYONE thinks I'm pregnant again.
See the sad cow? Arg again!

ARG!

I must apologize for the recent blogs, as they haven't been the nicest things to read. However, this blog is a somewhat diary of mine, so I'm continuing with that theme.

I evaluated my checking and savings accounts and decided that after a year off of work, it was time to return. I've been job searching for a week now and it's been interesting. I posted my resume under Monster.com and the amount of inquiries I've received is amazing. I've received offers to be a training specialist, an HR Rep, a Loan Processor, a Regional coordiator for training and hiring (lets's hope I get that one), and a slew of restaurant management positions. I'm hoping to start soon.

I'm a little sad about returning to work because I'll be spending less time with Lily. I still can't believe she's already 4 months old. She's fun to play with now and she giggles at me all the time. I'm soo in love with her, and it's such a wonderful feeling seeing her grow and develop every day. I'm afraid she'll have some milestone while I'm at work and I'll miss out. :(

I've also been on a search to find someone I can trust to watch over Lily while I'm at work. I've had several suggestions from LOTS of people, but my Mom seems to think Lily is HER daughter and is insisting on having my Great Aunt fly from the Philippines to live with us and have her be Lily's caretaker. I'm a bit hesitant about this idea for a few reasons, those being:

1. She's old. I want to be comfortable knowing that she won't fall or trip while holding Lily, or that she'll have enough energy to keep up with her.
2. Old= old school style. How children are raised nowadays is very different from how they were raised in 1940. If I see her doing something I know my doctor has told me not to do, I'm SOO positive she'll take offense and consider it as me being disrespectful to my elders.
3. It's been a LONG time since we've had someone from that generation living in the house. The dynamics of how the house will be run will be completely different, and I'm not sure how Jason will react to having a 70-year old Filipino lady who speaks very broken English in the house and taking care of his kid.

Am I overthinking? Arg.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

It's an Epidemic!!

I don't know what's going on, but for some reason, the women surrounding me are starting to go crazy. Okay, it's a little bit of an overexaggeration, but it's a good way for me to express my frustration.

Last week, I had my Aunt bluntly tell me I'm a fat cow. A few days ago, I had a VERY unpleasant conversation with Jason's Mom.

Let me preface the following with this..

Jason's Mom is a sick woman. I am NOT saying this to be mean. She is a compulsive liar and has been diagnosed as being clinically depressed. She is supposed to be on meds, but refuses to take them because she feels she's a perfect human being. In reality, she's been verbally abusive, as she told all her children that they would grow up to be nothing and no one would ever love them. She was physically abusive to her children. Jason recalls seeing his brother and sister pinned to the garage door with a car and his Mom behind the wheel. AND she was sexually abusive, where she made her daughter watch her as she openly masturbated in front of her.

So no, I'm not being mean.

Last week, she drove down to LA from Monterey, CA and gave us no prior notice to her arrival. (Who drives 250 miles without giving us a warning??) She knocked on the door, and I didn't answer. I think I was too shocked and scared to answer. I didn't want to be in the room with her without anyone else there. After she waited for 15 minutes at the door, she finally drove away. The next day, she showed up and unfortunately, I was not able to hide again.

Jason answered the door and let her in. She immediately requested to see Lily and I slowly gave Lily to her and Jason and I watched nervously and hoped she wouldn't flip out and go crazy. Luckily, her behavior was somewhat normal, and she returned Lily to me with no problems. After an hour (though it felt like 10 years), Jason had to go to work and I had to leave, as I had plans with my sister, Myra.

Foreward to the next day, as she called me on my cell phone. I was actually busy that week, because my Aunt (a very cool one) had her 50th high school reunion in Las Vegas. After the reunion, she with 5 other classmates in tow, stayed at our house. I was the cook, the chauffeur, the cleaners, and personal secretary to 7 women. (and yes, I still had to take care of Lily) So when I saw her name pop up on my caller ID, I didn't answer. I had no time until the party train left which coincidentally, was the same day Jason's Mom left for Monterey.

She called Jason when she returned to Monterey and yelled at him for 45 minutes saying what a bitch I was and "that woman does NOTHING all day and can't pick up the phone." I'm sorry.. I do nothing??? Regardless of the party train, I'm still quite busy with Lily and I have very little time for myself. Jason tried standing up for me, but it was pointless, as she continued to yell yell yell. After a while, I was really annoyed and frustrated, so I decided to talk to her myself.

This is a a brief synopsis of what happened:

Jason's Weenie Mom: "I tried calling you ALL week."

Me:" Yes, I'm sorry, but I was really busy."

JWM: "How could you be so busy.. it's not like you go to work, or go to school. I raised 3 children and still had time to pick up the phone."

Me:" Really.. you had a nanny who took care of the children, and a maid who cleaned the house. That really helps with time. Oh.. you went to school to finish your GED and went to USC through the completion of your doctorate, right? Hmm.. as far as I'm informed, I heard you were pretty absent during their childhoods. But please, correct me if I'm wrong."

JWM: (silence) "I just wanted to schedule an appointment with Liliana."

Me: "I'm sorry, but it was a really bad week. I had to take care of a lot of things and without prior notice, I couldn't squeeze you in." I tried explaining what I was doing that week, but she cut me off and said...

JWM: "I'm feeling you're ignoring my phone calls."

Me: "Sometimes I really don't get to the phone when I'm with Lily. Jason gets angry with me all the time when I don't pick up the phone. I'll try harder to have it on me."

JWM: "I'm feeling you're ignoring my phone calls."

Me:" Okay...sometimes, I admit, I don't answer your call."

JWM: "And why not?"

Me: "Do you really want to continue this, because I'm really tired and.."

JWM: "Yes, I do. You are trying to keep my grand daugher away from me and I want to know why!"

Me: "Honestly, you're not very pleasant to talk to. I am physically and emotionally drained after I talk to you. You yell at me and tell me I'm raising my daughter incorrectly. You yelled at me when I said Lily was watching TV and didn't give me a chance to explain she was watching a Baby Einstein video, a video designed for a baby's visual stimulation and brain development. You talk about random things that I have no interest in and you demand a conversation."

JWM: "This is ridiculous. I do nothing of the sort."

Me: "uh huh. Okay.. I need to go."

JWM: "NO! While we're on the phone, let's get everything out in the open so I can clear the air."

Me: "I really don't want to have this conversation.."

JWM: "NO! YOU ARE ACTING AS IF I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY! I'VE RAISED 3 CHILDREN AND I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. YOU CANNOT KEEP MY GRANDDAUGHER AWAY FROM ME!"

Me: "You raised 3 children? You know what you're doing?? What about the time you told Jason (at 6 years old) was retarded, or the time you openly masturbated in front of (Jason's sister), or the time you forced (Jason's brother) to masturbate in front of you? YOU ARE DISGUSTING and that's why I don't want Lily to spend time with you..."

There was more to the conversation, but I'm tired of typing now.

In the end, she had nothing to say because she knows it's true. Any mother with a brain wouldn't let someone with that kind of track record anywhere near their child.

She hasn't called me, nor do I expect her to. We are content in knowing that we're doing the right thing, family or not.

What bothers me is, that although she's a loon, she's still Jason's mom and even with everything she's done (oh.. BELIEVE ME she's done SOOO much more), he still wants a mother, even if it's her. And he's sad.

Help!